17.02.2021

Long distance is f*cking hard. 

It's not hard because of you. It's easy to be with you. 

It's hard because of me - my fears, my insecurities. All amplified in my head by the uncertainty. By the distance. 

Long distance is hard because of what our mind makes of it. It's a mental challenge that places us in a state of discomfort with seemingly no release. 

A modern human is a comfortable species. We wince at the slightest exposure to distress. We've built a well-cushioned world around us where everything is aimed to satisfy our need to instant gratification. 

Hungry? Uber eats.

Bored? Netflix. 

Horny? Pornhub.

Want to connect with another human?  Get on Tinder, Bumble, Grinder, OKCupid. 

The biggest discomfort we experience is the time period between registering the signal that a need has to be fulfilled and opening the app. While waiting for the delivery or letting the video buffer, the anxiety spikes up a bit, but you know the itch will get scratched.  

Here, there's no release. No quick fixes. Long distance in 2021 is tough and it's cruel. 

I'm currently reading Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins. This is a man who's all about mental toughness. 

Strangely, as I was getting more and more into his story, I started comparing my current relationship situation with running a marathon. Running my first longer distance runs, I know very well about the quitting thoughts. 

"Why the hell am I doing this?"

"I'm tired, I can just stop and walk back."

And yet, my feet would not stop. With each of these thoughts emerging, my stride would get more confident, more powerful. My breathing would more controlled. The focus shifts. The mind goes blank. 

It's like the body is trying to prove the mind that it's wrong. The physical body proves the mental theory wrong.  All thoughts on quitting are gone.

I reach my distance goal. And both my spirit and my body tell me I can do more. I can go longer. There's nothing standing in my way. 

A long distance relationship during a global pandemic is running a marathon, but you don't have your phone on you and you've no idea how much distance you've already covered. Perhaps it's already half of the race? Or maybe just 5km in? Not knowing how much progress you've made is a tricky concept for the brain, making you want to throw in the towel 40km in just because you've ran so much and there's no end in sight. 2.195km more and you'd be done! 

We're running in tandem. Me and you. If you stumble, I promise to help you pick up the pace again. If I fall, promise to help me get back up again. A marathon is more about mental strength than about speed. We have to pace ourselves right and stay focused. 

It's a tough journey, but we chose it. Let's stick through. Let's keep running.