Posts

hindsight is...

 a lot can happen in *gasp* 4 years since last writing here.  on one had, it brings me a lot of joy. we all have our days when everything feels directionless and stagnant, and it's humbling to look back at things and realize... woah, I guess there's progress after all. but still.  i've never felt particularly *pressured* to achieve something besides the usual goal posts (graduate from university, get a diploma, get a job). my parents certainly didn't pressure me to go for anything beyond that, and i don't recall discussing any other ambitions with my peers.  now, in this crazy era of AI and social media, it seems like everyone's a founder, everyone has their own startup, or they've sold their business in a 6 figure deal, they have families, get relocated for work for something exciting, are buying houses and hosting insane dream weddings...  i hate admitting this, but i do feel the tinge of pressure. i don't even know what's the specific thing to fee...

Quarantine Hotel Routine a la 2021

6:40am - Wake up & lounge 7:15am - Get up 7:30am - 9am - Work out (answer call around 8am notifying about breakfast arriving) 9am - 9:30am - Shower. Give trash to hotel workers. Get your temperature measured. Grab breakfast from the chair by my door. Breakfast package today: sweet red bean bun, youtiao , egg, millet-rice porridge, pickled vegetables, yogurt (I usually just eat the egg, a bit of that porridge and make coffee). 10am - Start work 12:30pm - Answer call notifying about lunch. Grab lunch from the chair. Get temperature measured again. Eat. 1pm - Pace around. 2pm - Continue work. Stare longingly out the window. Stare into other people's windows who are also in quarantine and try guess where did they come from to share such destiny with you. Look at the traffic. Pace around. Read.  ... 6pm - Answer call notifying about dinner. Grab dinner from the chair. Lounge. Watch Netflix. Read.  9pm - Time for another workout. Pace around.  10:30pm - Shower 11pm - Climb ...

17.02.2021

Long distance is f*cking hard.  It's not hard because of you. It's easy to be with you.   It's hard because of me - my fears, my insecurities. All amplified in my head by the uncertainty. By the distance.  Long distance is hard because of what our mind makes of it. It's a mental challenge that places us in a state of discomfort with seemingly no release.  A modern human is a comfortable species. We wince at the slightest exposure to distress. We've built a well-cushioned world around us where everything is aimed to satisfy our need to instant gratification.  Hungry? Uber eats. Bored? Netflix.  Horny? Pornhub. Want to connect with another human?  Get on Tinder, Bumble, Grinder, OKCupid.  The biggest discomfort we experience is the time period between registering the signal that a need has to be fulfilled and opening the app. While waiting for the delivery or letting the video buffer, the anxiety spikes up a bit, but you know the itch will get scrat...
  Write the truest sentence that you know. - E. Hemingway Love reveals itself in distance - the longing for companionship that transcends time and space.  The desire to share your thoughts and secrets with that special someone. Missing a certain gentle smile. When eyes meet and lock gaze and you feel safe. Like nothing can ever break this bond. Because this bond is more than just a physical attraction, more than nature and pheromones doing their crazy thing.  A friend, a lover, a guide, a fellow-student in life.  The distance doesn't silence. It amplifies. And all I feel for you grows louder and louder with each passing day.

Murakami on Running

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Say you’re running and you think, ‘Man, this hurts, I can’t take it anymore. The ‘hurt’ part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand anymore is up to the runner himself."

No one can construct for you the bridge upon which precisely you must cross the stream of life, no one but you yourself alone

I'm writing this with heavy eyelids, but I'm feeling so determined and happy. This is the first step towards an 'upgrade' - an upskilling of sorts. There will be more, but much much more.... after a good night's sleep.