hindsight is...

 a lot can happen in *gasp* 4 years since last writing here. 

on one had, it brings me a lot of joy. we all have our days when everything feels directionless and stagnant, and it's humbling to look back at things and realize... woah, I guess there's progress after all.

but still. 

i've never felt particularly *pressured* to achieve something besides the usual goal posts (graduate from university, get a diploma, get a job). my parents certainly didn't pressure me to go for anything beyond that, and i don't recall discussing any other ambitions with my peers. 

now, in this crazy era of AI and social media, it seems like everyone's a founder, everyone has their own startup, or they've sold their business in a 6 figure deal, they have families, get relocated for work for something exciting, are buying houses and hosting insane dream weddings... 

i hate admitting this, but i do feel the tinge of pressure. i don't even know what's the specific thing to feel jealous of, i just look at my own life and find that i'm not heading in any particular direction. 

one day you just realize, that all the things you once wanted, are here, and you're kind of disillusioned by them, and you never properly thought of a backup plan/alternative life paths. 

so yeah, while a lot has indeed happened... am i still actually running inside the same hamster wheel? what's the path out? 

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